The king cobra has a reputation of being a bit of a dick, what with the numerous well-publicised stories of them biting peoples’ dicks off and what not. But apparently this reputation is not only unfair, but downright false according to some experts.
You see, despite the fearsome reputation the snake has, academics have noted that most encounters with the reptile end “with hardly any hysterics” which is a roundabout way of saying, without the snake totally flipping its shit and getting all bite-happy on the nearest person’s forearm.
In fact, king cobras seem to actively go out of their way to avoid humans and are described as being of a generally “placid disposition” which allows them to be easily captured, killed or avoided altogether. The latter being especially easy since the supposed King of all Snakes will hide from humans and other animals before confronting them.
This said, the snake, thanks to a combination of its girth, length and overall cobra-ness, is unthinkably dangerous when it does decide it needs to fuck up your day. Luckily there’s a rather novel and hilarious way to distract this legendary serpent, channel your inner Blink 182 and take off your pants and jacket and throw them at its face.
This is because, like many snakes, the king cobra mainly uses movement in tandem with subtle vibrations in the air and ground to discern where potential threats or prey is. As a result, it’s possible to fool a king cobra by taking off your shirt and lightly throwing it on the ground, at which point the snake will (hopefully) attack it instead of you.
Of course an obvious risk that arises from this strategy is that if it doesn’t work and the snake decides to put a few fang holes in your supple torso flesh, someone is going to find your half naked body covered in snake turds and take photos of it. However the upside is that you’ll look like a total boss if your first reaction to seeing a king cobra preparing to attack is to rip off your shirt like Hulk Hogan and throw it at the ground. We guess you’d also get bonus points if girls (or guys) were watching and they saw the snake immediately bury its face in the pit stains of your t-shirt, at which point you could probably convince them the snake was simply unable to resist the allure of your musk.
Alas, while there’s no way to completely minimise the risk of being bitten to death by a king cobra, we thought it was worth mentioning that one of the most fearsome reptiles on Earth can be distracted by the same thing that annoys the shit out of your mother when you visit home. A crumpled up shirt on the floor.
