You can now enjoy this article in video form, which includes a bonus section on potential badass bible stories they should definitely consider turning into films. As usual, the original article used for the script can be found after the jump.
In 1900, the guy who originally came up with the saying “What would Jesus do?“, Charles Sheldon, was asked by a bunch of cynical assholes to put his money where his mouth was and run a newspaper the way he thought Jesus would. Within a week Sheldon had increased the readership by over 2000% raising the paper’s profile considerably and metaphorically telling all those naysayers to eat a significant portion of his dick.
Before his short-lived, but meteoric success as a newspaper editor, Charles Sheldon was a humble American minister giving weekly sermons to a small, but devoted flock of followers. It’s recorded that to appeal to the younger demographic present at his church, Sheldon began delivering hugely successful and serialised sermons based around the concept of posing the question “What would Jesus do?“.
Sheldon penned several short stories posing a moral question to the audience, which he’d leave on a cliffhanger and answer the following week, a writing technique known today as the “Game of Thrones method“. This quirky, but well-meaning way of delivering a sermon resonated with audiences and Sheldon saw attendance at his church skyrocket as people clambered to find out just exactly what the fuck Jesus was going to do the following week. Sheldon quickly capitalised on the public’s response to the idea of asking “What would Jesus do?” by penning a book on the concept called “In His Steps?“.
Interestingly, thanks to to a legal misstep, the book was accidentally leaked into the public domain decades early and Sheldon didn’t give a shit because he was awesome like that. But we digress, the book, like everything Sheldon seemed to do became incredibly popular and his concept of living life the way Jesus would made people curious about what he thought Jesus would do in 20th century America.
We feel the need to point out that Sheldon walked the walk when it came to living life the way he felt Jesus would and in 1900, a time when racial, gender and religious discrimination was rife, he was campaigning for equal rights across the board and telling people who apposed those basic freedoms to fuck off the edge of his dick. The guy was basically like Ned Flanders only with a better moustache and a less stupid name.
Eventually, Sheldon was asked if he’d like to be placed in charge of his local newspaper, the Topeka Daily Capital, to apply his “What would Jesus do?” mentality to the running of a newspaper. Almost immediately, Sheldon banned adverts for alcohol and tobacco and he listed everyone who worked for the paper, including the freaking janitor in the editorial column. In fact, the only person Sheldon didn’t specifically thank was some dickhole who went against his strict orders and and hired an outside agent to advertise the paper without his permission.
In less than a week, the paper’s circulation went from 15,000 copies per day to 350,000! With so many papers being produced that they needed to outsource printing to another state. Because that, ladies and gentlemen is how Jesus would run a fucking newspaper.
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