How a Dog Annoyed the Emperor of Germany

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This article now comes in video form, with a bonus cameo from a small brown dog called Coco. It also comes in its original form after the jump if you prefer words to moving images and static images of a dog to video footage of a dog not giving a fuck.

Now you’d think a guy with a title like “The Emperor of Germany” would be pretty hard to upset considering he has almost total control over a country filled with expensive sausage and high-quality beer. Weirdly though, after the death of King Edward VII of England, the German Emperor was apparently just like, so pissed about a dog being considered more important than he was.

That dog was Caesar, the beloved pet Wire Fox Terrier of King Edward VII who’d been with the King for almost decade when he died in 1910. According to historical records, Caesar was given to the King in 1902 when to help him cope with the loss of his other pet dog, Jack who died in a way fitting of a dog with unfettered access to the royal pantry, choking on a comically oversized bone.

King Edward VII was immediately smitten with Caesar who was assigned a personal footman who was ordered to do nothing but clean his poop and scratch his balls on command. Caesar was also given his own private bed next to the Royal throne which he could often be found napping on while the King held meetings with heads of state and nobles. As if that wasn’t adorable enough, the King also gave Caesar a collar with a tag on it which simply read, “I am Caesar. I belong to the King.” something that we’d be tempted to say was a joke if it wasn’t for the fact Caesar was known to escape and run into people’s gardens on a bi-weekly basis during walks, which resulted in the King having to chase after him while waving around his pimp-ass walking stick.

Fuck yeah
Pictured: The King and his pimp-ass walking stick.

Like many dog owners, the King was never able to bring himself to ever actually punish his pet and its noted that regardless of how much Caesar fucked up, like the time he ate the rabbit of an influential noblemen’s daughter right in front of her, the worst the King could ever muster was softly scolding Caesar by calling him a naughty dog, presumably before slipping him a giant leg of ham to gnaw on.

When the King died in 1910, it’s noted that Caesar become notably distraught, refusing to eat his dinner and spending much of his time whimpering outside of the King’s bedroom while walking around in adorably depressing circles. The King’s staff and family, knowing how Caesar’s constant unwavering companionship had meant to the King, made the unusual decision to allow the pampered pooch to lead the King’s funeral procession under the watchful gaze of a giant highland soldier.

He's on the left, the one with the tail.
He’s on the right, the one with the tail.

The image of Caesar’s lonely vigil over his former master’s coffin instantly endeared the dog to the British public and many of the Heads of State in attendance were deeply moved and by the dog’s apparent devotion to the King. The only real exception was Kaiser Wilhelm II of the German Empire, who felt insulted by being upstaged by a dog, even if that dog had belonged to the fucking King of England. We should point out that the current King of England and Edward VII’s own son, George V was also given second billing to Caesar and he didn’t give a shit. Then again, we’re guessing suddenly being crowned King of England made George V a little more open to being snubbed by a dog for exactly one day.

It’s noted that this affront to Kaiser Wilhelm II’s honor helped fuel a growing anti-English sentiment that was growing in Germany at the time and the Kaiser carefully capitalised on being given second billing to a ball of fuzz with his people, a few years after the King’s death, this anti-English sentiment reached a peak when a little thing called World War 1 broke out. To which we can only react by saying, fuck Kaiser Wilhelm II for trying to ruin Caesar’s big day.

For more facts about dogs upstaging people, why not read about how Fraiser’s dog got way more fan mail than he ever did.