That time a White House advisor tried to beat schoolgirls in a foot race

0
547

At the time of writing this article, Stephen Miller is an unthinkably powerful man with unfettered access to the President of the United States. He’s also a dickhead. Something no better proven than by the story of the time he tried to prove men are better than women by beating some of them in a footrace. 

For anyone unfamiliar with Stephen Miller, as of January 2018 when this was written, he’s a senior advisor to Donald Trump mostly known for being a huge piece of shit and an all round garbage person. Stories about Miller from those who know him best paint a picture of a whiny, racist baby-man who absolutely cannot stand when he doesn’t get his own way.

This is the best picture of him we could find.

As a teenager Miller would get irrationally angry whenever he had to learn about any aspect of American history he found uncomfortable to process, such as the mistreatment of Native Americans or black people, going as far to tell black students to their faces that racism didn’t exist any more. A bold fucking claim considering his other favourite pastime at high school was yelling at Latino students speaking Spanish to speak English or endlessly complaining about being “forced” to celebrate events like Cinco de Mayo. Miller also enjoyed giving ethnic students shit if he saw them eating the traditional cuisine of their culture instead of wholesome American school cafeteria food.

Seemingly in an attempt to act like a big shithead to as many people as possible, Miller would insert himself uninvited into conversations and groups he wasn’t a part of. For example, on one occasion Miller joined a committee dedicated to helping Hispanic and African American students just to rant about racism being a myth. When Miller was understandably asked to leave if he wasn’t going to add anything constructive, he bitched about about the school being too politically correct. You know, because nothing says “iron-fisted Orwellian censorship” like being politely asked to leave a meeting you weren’t invited to.

Miller was and presumably still is, reportedly obsessed with idea of America being the best country on Earth to an almost fanatical degree, once screaming at a classmate who made a joke about cars with American flag bumper stickers using foreign gasoline for a minute straight. When the student tried to calm Miller down he angrily jabbed their chest with his finger, called them anti-American and then removed his shirt to reveal that he’d been wearing a t-shirt with an American flag motif on it the whole time. None of that is made up.

On another occasion Miller gave a long-winded speech to his classmates while campaigning to be class president in which he complained about the fact he was expected to clean up his own trash. Miller whined about the idea of students needing to have a shared sense of collective responsibility for the school’s upkeep arguing simply that cleaning up his shit was the janitor’s job.

By far Miller’s most pathetic attempt to prove a point though came during a girl’s track meet when he suddenly found himself seething with rage at the idea of anyone celebrating the athletic achievements of the fairer sex. To shut this the hell down, Miller ran onto the track of a race in progress and “beat” all of the women by racing to the finish line and celebrating like a jackass.

When asked what the fuck he was doing, Miller calmly explained that he was proving that men were better at running than women. The fact that Miller only felt like he could comfortably beat these women if they literally gave him a several hundred metre head start and had already run half the race first probably speaks volumes about how “superior” an athletic specimen he was at the time.

Pictured: Miller at the time.

But here’s the best bit, when the White House was reached for comment about this, rather than deny it ever happened as you’d expect, because holy shit is it all kinds of embarrassing, they admitted that it happened. However, they did point out that the female athletes came from a school Miller didn’t attend which we guess makes it better, somehow.