When it comes to George Clooney there are two kinds of article that get written about him. Ones that talk about how handsome he is and ones that talk about how much of a legendary dick he is to his friends. This is one of the latter.
For anyone whose knowledge of George Clooney is limited to the Oceans 11 seriesand that one episode of Friends he randomly turns up in, you’re probably not aware of the fact that Clooney loves pranks to the point many of his friends and family are constantly on edge around him. Examples of Clooney’s tomfoolery include sticking a giant bumper sticker onto Brad Pitt’s car saying “Small penis on board“, filling Bill Murray’s bag with 15 pounds of gravel and spraying Ryan Gosling’s crotch with a water bottle moments before he was about to head out onto the red carpet for interviews to make it look like he’d pissed himself.
If that’s too small-scale for you, Clooney also once spent thousands of dollars making the press think he was hosting Brad Pitt’s wedding at his house at Lake Como by buying hundreds of tables and putting them all over his backyard. Because George Clooney’s prank game is stronger than even the douchiest looking YouTube star, he made sure to do this when he knew that Lake Como was due to have several weeks of torrential storms, purely so that the paparazzi and press had to stand around in the rain looking like dicks. Apparently it took the gathered press over two weeks to realise Clooney was joking, during which time we’ll bet Clooney just laughed his god damn ass off.
Perhaps the most famous story about Clooney, or at least the one he likes telling the most is when he managed to convince a friend of his that his cat was constipated. To explain, back in 1993, shortly after breaking up with his wife, Talia Balsam, Clooney moved in with his friend, Richard Kind for a few weeks so that he could get his shit together. While staying at Kind’s house, Clooney got bored and began sneaking into the bathroom every morning to steal all the poop out his cat’s litter tray. After a week, Kind got a little concerned and bought his cat some cat laxatives, a product we’re absolutely not making up. Even after Kind’s cat began shitting around the clock, Clooney continued sneaking into the bathroom to hide it’s poop, because if there’s one kind of man who has the kind of time required to constantly watch a cat’s litter tray, it’s a guy trying to avoid thinking about his ex.
Clooney continued stealing away the cat’s poop right up until Kind became concerned enough to take his confused and presumably fiber-filled feline to the vet. After Kind returned from the vet with a clean bill of health, the actor walked into the bathroom and took a full-sized human dump right into the litter tray. According to Clooney, Kind walked into the bathroom, took one look at the mammoth turd Clooney had left in his cat’s litter tray and exclaimed “Oh, my God! Kitty!” before running out of the bathroom to convince Clooney to come look at what his cat had done.
So the next time you don’t feel well, or like you’re not looking your best, just picture George Clooney crouched over a litter tray pinching a loaf with the words “Sexiest Man Alive” superimposed below him and we guarantee you’ll start to feel better.