Possums don’t give a fuck


There aren’t many animals on Earth that can afford to not give a fuck given that many animals’ survival very much depends on being keenly aware of all the things in their immediate vicinity that could kill them. The same cannot be said for the Virginia possum, a creature that gives so few fucks it literally didn’t bother evolving with the ability to live longer than 4 years. 

Before that though we should talk about how the possum gives so few fucks it will notably eat pretty much anything. An omnivorous scavenger, there’s little possums won’t at the very least try to gnaw on up to and including actual, literal garbage. Which they will happily crawl around in whilst spreading possum shit everywhere.

In keeping with the theme of eating garbage possums will also eat rotten fruit that has fallen on the ground, roadkill and even ticks, which they eat in such vast numbers that experts wildly credit the animal with keeping cases of Lyme disease in check. Moving up the food chain possums are also known to eat deadly giraffe-dick-length snakes which the animal will actively seek out and attack on sight so often it has evolved an immunity to the bites of some of the most dangerous snakes in all of North America. Finally in regards to food, if eating snakes wasn’t metal enough, possums notably need a lot of calcium, which they largely get by scavenging the skeletal remains of anything they happen across. Meaning possums literally eat skeletons to survive

However arguably the best example of possum none-fuck-giving is the act to which it has lent its name, playing possum. AKA, playing dead really hard. As an idea of how committed possums are to playing dead, it is possible to pick up a possum feigning death without incident. Not that this is recommended given that the first thing a possum does when it fakes its death is violently shit itself, for the drama.


This action is completely involuntary for the possum and almost every single one of its natural bodily functions, up to and including blinking, will cease and last for several hours. Which begs the question, why? Well the idea behind this is that many predators naturally avoid carrion and by playing dead, the possum will be left alone. Not that this is really an issue because we can’t imagine many predators could possible eat all 80 pounds of ballsack possums possess for making this their sole strategy for avoiding predation. For the curious, while playing possums, possums do not feel pain meaning if the gambit fails, the creature dies without even knowing about it, robbing its killer of any satisfaction that could be gained by eating it.

Speaking of dying, the possum is something of a curiosity to experts due to the fact that, even in captivity, it rarely lives longer than 4 years. This has led to a frankly amazing theory being coined about the possum, mainly that it simply doesn’t give enough of a fuck to live. Specifically, it is theorised that because possums (and even more specifically, Virginia possums) are so easily killed, there has never been an incentive for the creature to evolve with an immune system that would allow it to live longer than 4 years. Or to put it another way, the possum has basically told the very concept of evolution itself to go and fuck itself. Which is incredible.