The Flash Has The Best Method of Hiding His Secret Identity


With the odd rare exception, most superheroes will try to differentiate themselves from their superhero alter ego when they’re not in costume. Batman pretends to be a lazy playboy, Superman assumes the identity of a clumsy dumbass and the Flash is always late. Yes, the fastest man on Earth throws people off of his scent by simply always being late when he isn’t dressed like a lightning powered dildo.

As stupid as it sounds, Barry Allen purposely goes out of his way to always be late for everything he’s invited to, whether it’s a drink or a freaking wedding just so that no one will think he’s The Flash.

It's not like the costume completely covers his face or something.
It’s not like the costume already completely covers his face or something.

Now we don’t want to criticise a guy who can think at the speed of light, but we think we’ve kind of spotted a flaw in this logic. In a world where superheroes exist, the guy who is always late, for one reason or another, regardless of how good of an excuse he has, is still pretty damn suspicious.

There’s a reason Batman’s civilian identity is a billionaire who sleeps till noon, usually between two supermodels, if that guy is late, you’re just going to assume that he’s off buying a gold plated puma or something. But what excuse does Barry Allen have? The guy is a forensic scientist for a living, when a guy with a job like that is perpetually late for work, questions are going to be asked. Especially when people notice that he’s way more ripped than anyone who works in a lab coat ever deserves to be.

It exploded off of his torso in the next panel.
It exploded off of his torso in the next panel.

It’d be like Bruce Wayne trying to conceal his secret identity by constantly entering a room doing sick-ass back flips, all it does is raise questions and probably scuff the carpet.

By far the worst part though is that Barry Allen actually convinces the other people who become the Flash that this is actually a good idea, as mentioned in the image at the top of this page, poor Wally West hasn’t seen the start of a movie since Allen told him it’d be a good idea to never be on time for anything.

Then again, it is pretty ingenious, if Barry Allen is never around, no one can ever put two and two together anyway. Well played, Allen, well played.