Apple Has Patented the “Slide to Unlock” Feature

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Apple is evil, we all know that. Hell, there’s a Wikipedia page on all the suicides people have committed to escape the conditions at the factory they build iPhones in. That’s some top-tier level evil right there.

But did you know that Apple also owns patents on something as simple as a swipe of the finger? Well you probably do because we’re guessing you read the title to this piece. But we’re going to go into more detail anyway because we want to.

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Basically, any smartphone you see with any variation on the “slide to unlock” feature, whether or not it’s an Apple phone has probably had to pay money to the Apple cartel. We say probably because we can’t rule out Apple breaking legs in lieu of accepting payment, we can’t confirm it either, but lawyers can’t sue you for not knowing things, yet.

Here’s the best bit though, if you own an Android phone you may have realized that it won’t let you pick a straight line as your unlock code, instead asking you to make a funny shape (usually a dong) on your keypad instead. You may have thought this was to make it more difficult to log into your Facebook and post rude things (usually a dong) but no, it’s almost certainly to avoid paying Apple royalties.

So yeah, if your unlock code isn’t a crude angular phallus, it should be, because screw Apple.

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