Superman’s Disguise is Actually Amazing

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One of the hardest things to believe about Superman, other than the fact he’s an alien being with infinite, god-like power, is that he’s able to fool the entire world into thinking he’s some random dumbass with nothing more than a pair of glasses. As it so happens, Superman’s disguise is way more elaborate than you think.

For starters, as you can see in the image above, as Clark Kent, Superman slumps his shoulders, furrows his brow and adopts a much meeker stance. This all combines to give the impression that Clark Kent is several inches shorter and way less buff than Superman. Furthermore, whenever he’s disguised as Kent, Superman almost always chooses to dress himself in a modest, but ultimately classy business suit to bury his rippling, Herculean physique.

"Sup"
Is, is he holding in a fart in this picture?

This may not sound like a lot, but you have to remember that Superman has a chest that’s considered a war crime in some parts of the world. His arms look like someone trapped three cobras in a tube sock full of Viagra. Just the simple act of covering that up is enough to throw most people off of his scent because lets be honest here, most people aren’t looking at Superman’s face. Seriously, go out wearing you’re underwear on the outside of your clothing and tell us how many people notice your haircut.

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Super haircut”

Speaking of which, another thing Superman does as Kent is style his hair differently, again, this may not sound like much, but you’d be surprising how much changing your hairstyle can make you look like a totally different person. For example, this is what Zooey Deschanel looks like with her hair parted out of her face.

This is Zooey Deschanel.

Now imagine if as well as changing her hairstyle, she shrunk three inches, wore ill-fitting clothes and put on a big hat, half of us wouldn’t recognise her if she was stood three inches in front of us, let alone in the middle of a crowd or something. The same can be said for almost any celebrity, David Beckham once managed to fool a bunch of people into not realising who he was by just putting on a pair of glasses and a funny hat. Yet when Superman does the exact same thing, suddenly it’s unbelievable that people wouldn’t recognise him.

clark_kent_005_hat
This isn’t the face of a man who can bench a school bus.

Furthermore the glasses everyone likes to make fun of, the thing people have pointed to for years as the thing that makes Superman’s disguise so laughably flaccid, actually change the color of his eyes according to the comics.

However, even if we ignore all of this and write off everything we’ve mentioned as bullshit written in to the comics just to cover some writer’s ass, if we pretend that Superman’s disguise literally consisted of a cheap suit and pair of horn rimmed glasses, it’d still be amazing. Because what very few people seem to realise when criticising Superman’s disguise is that almost nobody in the universe he lives in thinks that Superman has a secret identity.

Think about it, Superman doesn’t wear a mask, because why the hell would he? He’s bulletproof and an alien, as far as anyone knows he doesn’t have a family or a personal life, he just flies around saving people. In fact, in one comic Lex Luthor builds a machine that works out that Superman is Clark Kent and he refuses to believe it because he simply cannot fathom why a being of such immense power would feel the need to disguise himself as some random dipshit and work in an office.

"Wait, this guy?"

And the thing to keep in mind here is that Lex Luthor is literally one of the smartest people on the entire planet in the DC universe. If Superman can fool him, he can fool anyone.