Vladimir Putin is one of the most terrifying men on Earth, if only because he’s the only world leader we’re aware of who has an actual black belt in Judo. With that firmly in mind, it is with great pleasure that we’d like to share with you all the story of when Putin asked journalists to stop feeding his dog.
To clarify, Vladimir Putin really does have a black belt in Judo, that wasn’t just something we made up for dramatic effect, and he really could snap someone’s neck given half the chance. In fact, Putin is so adept at punching collar bones to dust that he even authored a book on the subject. Seriously!
On top of this, Putin also holds a black belt in karate and is considered a master of the Russian martial art of Sambo, something he learned during his time as an officer of the KGB, the super badass Russian security agency, presumably in between lessons on how to strangle a man with piano wire and how to punch bullets out of the air. Furthermore, Putin also holds a 9th dan black belt in Teakwondo, a sport he doesn’t even practise, because Vladimir Putin apparently earns black belts through sheer osmosis.
On top of all of this, Putin is also the leader of one of the most powerful countries on Earth, with a personal wealth rumoured to be in the billions, in short, he’s exactly the kind of guy you don’t mess with, unless you happen to be very fuzzy.
That’s a picture of Putin with his pet dog, Koni (sometimes spelled Connie), a black female Labrador, and it is exactly as adorable as it looks. Now after hearing what we’ve just said about Putin and how much of a dick he is, it’d be easy to write off that image as something he did for publicity purposes to make him seem more “accessible” and less like “a man who could punch your knee caps off”. But weirdly, it seems that Putin, the famously stone-faced leader of Russia, has a genuine soft spot for Koni.
Putin has admitted in the past that when he’s feeding sad, he’ll consult Koni, who apparently gives him “good advice” about how to feel better. We don’t have any quip or sarcastic remark here, that’s straight up adorable. Putin f*****g loves this dog.
This was proved no better than by the time Putin made an official statement regarding journalists feeding Koni, or more importantly how pissed off he was about journalists feeding her. To quote the Russian President himself:
“Sometimes, Koni leaves a room full of journalists with a very pleased expression on her face and biscuit crumbs around her mouth…Please don’t feed my dog!”
Of course this doesn’t excuse any of the multitude of awful things Putin has had a hand in or the many human rights abuses that have taken place in his country, but just for a second can we call appreciate that Putin once took time out of his day to wipe cookie crumbs out of his dog’s muzzle while muttering under his breath about it ruining her appetite.