The DC Character Who Can Teleport Via Cigarette


Swamp Thing is a DC character who has pretty much the same backstory as Shrek in that he’s green, likes onions and is largely motivated by his desire to get people the fuck out of his swamp. Unimaginably power thanks to his connection to, The Green, Swamp Thing boasts total and complete control over all plant life on Earth allowing him to, if he wants to, teleport via cigarette.

For those of you unfamiliar with DC comic canon, The Green is the term used to describe a mysterious and ancient force noted as being responsible for providing energy to all plant life present in the universe. As an avatar of The Green, Swamp Thing can tap into this energy at will granting him nigh-incalculable strength as well as increased longevity and the ability to summon, control and slap people about with any form of plant matter he feels like. Yes, even a cactus.

Despite his immense power, Swamp Thing largely keeps himself to himself, only occasionally feeling the need to interact with other DC heroes and villains when they present a tangible threat to The Green. In which case he will usually materialise from nowhere, grow 300 feet tall and punch them with enough force to crack a hard-boiled diamond egg.

Easily one of the most powerful entities in all of DC canon, Swamp Thing’s power is effectively infinite so long as The Green (which remember is linked to every plant in existence) is okay. This said, even in situations where The Green is in danger, Swamp Thing can transfer his consciousness into any nearby plant matter and then punch the living shit out of whoever is trying to mess with it. In short, don’t litter in the DC universe unless your completely okay with the potential risk of a potted plant growing fists and punching your elbows off.

Here’s the thing though, the exact amount of plant matter Swamp Thing needs is comically small and there’s not really any limit to how far he can project his consciousness. With some comics noting that Swamp Thing can, if he really wants to, teleport across the universe into an alien flower or some shit then start slapping people with those newly formed wooden noodles he calls fingers.

Perhaps the most ridiculous example of this comes from a comic where the Avatar of the Trees needs to speak to Constantine. Rather than make himself a body out of grass or something then walk into his office to start giving him the business, Swamp Thing opts to take control of the tobacco in Constantine’s cigarette. In the process becoming a sentient mass of tobacco that probably, somehow smells worse than when Swamp Thing is a living puddle of swamp matter you just know a crocodile shit in.

Anyway, Constantine is understandably impressed by this display of power and the two team up. Though if we’re honest we’re kind of annoyed no writer we’re aware of has ever had the balls to do this gag again, only with a stack of drugs just so we could have a panel of a Weed Monster uppercutting Batman’s dick off for polluting the forest with all his shitty bat-themed gadgets and nonsense.

Oh well, we can dream.