The Time Bob Marley Was Protected by Rasta Ninjas

0
12091

This article was recently turned into a video on our fancy new YouTube channel, which you can find below.

If you’d rather learn the information with your faceballs rather than your ears, the original article can be found after the jump. 

If you’ve ever seen I Am Legend, you’ve probably heard Will Smith’s story about the time Bob Marley was shot and still went on stage two days later. Well Will Smith left out the best part of that story, the part where Bob Marley was protected by a bunch of Rastafarian ninjas.

First a little back story for those of you who have no idea what we’re talking about but still clicked to read more, in December of 1976, Bob Marley was set to play a free concert for the people of Jamaica organised by their, then Prime Minister, Michael Manley. Two days before the concert was set to take place though, armed men broke into Marley’s home and opened fire on him, his family and his manager in what many would later call “a total dick move”.

Luckily for Marley, the gunmen, despite having the element of surprise and perhaps more pertinently, a bunch of fucking guns, failed to kill anyone present, only managing hit Marley and his guests in non-vital areas of the body like the arm, face and dick. That last part isn’t a joke by the way, Marley’s sister Rita actually was shot in the face and was totally fine, being discharged from the hospital the very next day while his manager Don Taylor was hit in the groin, but eventually made a full recovery.

Our theory is that the bullets slowed down so as not to be out of time with Marley.
Thanks, Reggae.

Although it was probably evident at this point that Marley and his loved ones were clearly bulletproof thanks to a pact he likely made with the Rasta-gods, Marley and his entourage were moved to an undisclosed location in the Blue mountains until the day of the concert to protect any assassins from the embarrassment of failing to kill him a second time. Due to his high profile and the fact he constantly exuded the sound of smooth reggae, the local police took Marley to the most remote-ass place in the mountains they could find to minimize the risk of him being tracked down. Which still wasn’t good enough for Marley’s Rasta friends, who, to ensure that he wouldn’t come to any harm spent the next two days hid amongst the trees surrounding his location armed with machetes and a bad attitude, waiting for an excuse to fly-leap from the canopy and kick some ass.

Artist's impression.
Artist’s impression.

Now before you do anything else, we implore you to re-read the previous sentence to really soak in the fact that Bob Marley once spent two days being protected by machete wielding, dreadlock ninjas all hidden in the trees dozens of feet above his bitchin’ secret cabin in the woods. And in case you’re wondering, two days later Marley left the cabin and went to the god-damn concert he was scheduled to play, assassins be damned. When later asked about why he didn’t just, you know, blow the whole thing off to stay home and nurse his bullet wound, Marley simply responded, “The people who are trying to make this world worse aren’t taking a day off. How can I?”

What a fucking badass.

Image source.