Audie Murphy, Possible Terminator, Definite Badass

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First things first, Audie Murphy is the single most decorated soldier to fight in WW2 and possibly in WW3 when his ghost rises from the grave to find a worthy foe. He won every single medal for bravery America had, then won a bunch from the other, lesser countries too, because Audie wasn’t picky when it came to heroism.

Before we continue we’d also like to point out that Audie Murphy was only 5ft 5 inches tall, so just bear that in mind as you’re reading the following, ball-shrivelling sentences.

While fighting in the St Die area of France (with a name like that we’re already off to a flying fucking start) Audie was leading a platoon of men through a forest that had, just a few hour earlier just, been bombed to hell by German artillery. None of which managed to kill Audie because nothing man-made could kill Audie Murphy, if the German’s possessed such a weapon they’d have won the war overnight and you’d be reading this article, out-loud, in German to a group of your blondest friends.

The fact that Audie Murphy seemingly couldn’t be killed by human weaponary didn’t stop the German’s from trying though and several camouflaged German snipers were lying in wait for Audie and his men in the forest we just mentioned. One sniper in particular, upon spotting the tiny, anger filled war machine barrelling his way through the trees, opened fire and struck Audie straight through the hip. Narrowly missing Audie’s balls, which took up an estimated 70% of his lower half.

Shooting Audie would prove to be the German sniper’s first and last mistake of his life, because taking the shot meant he had to move, which alerted the pint-sized badass to his position. Audie, shrugging off an injury that would put most men and a good percentage of bears on their ass, picked up his standard issue carbine with one hand and shot his assailant right between the eyes.

Just let the soak into your brain for a second, Audie managed to pull of a better shot than a highly trained sniper could under ideal conditions, literally one handed, with a bullet in his hip. Holy shit that guy was good.

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